Not “Just Friends”: Rebuilding Trust and Recovering Your Sanity After Infidelity
The controversial book that caused a media storm on three continents with its straight-talking “perceptive, blunt, and accessibly written” (Booksense.com) revelations about the new crisis of infidelity. According to Dr. Shirley Glass, “the godmother of infidelity” ( The New York Times ), people today are cheating on their spouses more than ever before—especially in the workplace. Dispelling common myths with compelling new research and case studies, NOT “Just Friends” is a groundb
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Encounters in Paris – A Collection of Short Stories
Life is filled with random encounters and Ellery Roulet, a 35-year-old American PR executive living and working in Paris, has experienced enough of them to last five lifetimes. When betrayal, loss, mistakes, regrets and even acceptance enter Ellery’s life at different times, she learns it is not what one experiences, but how one chooses to deal with those experiences that shapes the soul within. This bittersweet collection of tales shows just how messy and complicated life can be, and that somet
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One of the Best Books on this Subject,
I’d like to take a minute to comment on the value and meaning of this book to me. I am a woman who has been married to the same man for 28 years. We have 2 grown children, and have gone throught the issues many long-term married couples go through, including infidelity. I found out about my husband’s affair from to woman’s husband several years after it was over. Everyone “thought I knew”….I did not, although I knew we were having trouble. I just thought it would work itself out. It did, but that was because my husband ended the affair. You can’t be “friends” with two women or men on the level it takes to have an intimate relationship. Let me say that I have a PhD in Nursing, am faculty at a large university in the Southwest and am very knowledgeable about family relationships. I did not “know” my husband was having an affair with a woman he called “just my friend”( I can’t really say if I was in denial or not, but that doesn’t seem valid to me). The affair lasted off and on for about six years. My life, and the lives of our children were “hell” during this time, for lack of a better word. Dr. Glass correctly states that if you are better friends with another person than your spouse, you have opened yourself up to be more intimate with another person than the one you vowed to cherish. If you are to be in a satisfied, committed relationship, a close relationship with a member of the opposite sex is frought with complications. You can’t be “loyal” to two men or women at the same time ( This is particularly difficult for me to say, because I have always regarded myself as a feminist. The problem is the other woman was not, and wanted my husband.) This is my opinion, based on information I have gathered professionally and personally, but I believe in Dr. Glass’ work and I think it is meaningful. I have read just about everything written about the subject of infidelity, and this book helped my husband (who read it also) and me more than any information did before or since. I wish anyone who is suffering from the pain of infidelity (regardless of the side of the fence they are on) peace.
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|The Best Book on Affairs,
I am a clinical psychologist,a wife and mother. I have read many, many books on affairs and treated literally hundreds of couples recovering from the marital carnage of affairs. This book is the best. My clients involved in affairs find it the most helpful and so do other therapists. Nothing else even comes close. Her examples ring true. There are no false notes.
I suspected that since she hadn’t experienced an affair that she would be judgemental. Not so. She has great empathy for each person in the triangle. She understands that some mariages won’t make it, yet is clear that her values are pro-marriage. She recognizes that many marriages emerge from affairs stronger than ever. This is the good stuff! Enjoy.
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|Stop searching, buy this book,
I have to agree with the other reviewers that this is a very good book. I am a pretty tough critic, who reserves five stars for books that change my life. While this book fell just short of that classification, I can say that my life is a little easier/better after reading it.
If you are reading these reviews, you probably have some experience with the subject. For that, I offer you my condolences. The good news is two-fold. First, it gets better with time. Second, books like this one can help you along the way.
Dr. Glass makes no secret of the fact that she is a big advocate of trying to fix the relationship. Therefore, roughly half of the book is devoted to doing that. She also does not hesitate to say when she is not in the majority about some issue. That is, several times she says what most therapists believe, and then explains why she feels otherwise. It’s nice to get both sides of the story so you can make your own decision…most of the time I agreed with the author.
But what I like most about this book is that it gives the perspective of all those involved. It covers the betrayed, the betrayer, and the outsider who the betrayer had the affair with. Therefore, it helps you look at the situation from the other person’s point of view. While you might think you don’t care about his/her side of the story, it is really important for your own “recovery.”
This is the book for you if you are struggling with questions like: Why did this happen? What do we do now? Is the marriage worth trying to save? If so, how do we do it? I personally did not read all of the chapters. My marriage is long over and I was just looking for a book to help give me closure. I think this did it for me. I kind of wish I had found this book shortly after my ex-wife’s affair. It might not have changed whether or not we would have stayed together, but it would have made the last nine months a whole lot easier.
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